How to Like Your Life When You're Feeling Jealous
An accessible monthly guide to maximizing daily delight, even amidst the ordinary difficulties of being alive
I rolled out of bed, threw my hair into a chaotic ponytail, and raced my Mini Cooper down the dark downtown cobblestone streets.
I promised myself that I’d make it to my 6 am Pilates class.
Half awake on a Monday morning, I threw my body into the instructed moves. In the middle of a plank series, I questioned my ability to get through it. Instead of reaching for my usual tool — an encouraging inner voice in line with my instructors — “only a few more, you can do it,” I glanced at the girl next to me.
The perfect slick-back bun, wearing a tight, colorful set that highlighted her ideal, toned body, she was moving through what felt like endless ab exercises with ease.
“I could never do that,” I whispered to myself.
In that moment, my shoulders gave out. I dropped to my knees. I was done planking for the day.
This is what jealousy does to us at first — the icky feeling makes us drop. Under its direction, we can become weak and small, and in my experience, embarrassed.
It’s happened to me in bed, as I can’t help but endlessly scroll through a catalog of perfect reels.
“I could never make content like that.”
It’s happened in bars while listening to my friends talk about their relationships.
“I could never find a partnership like that.”
It’s happened at conferences and in meetings.
“I could never present like that.”
It’s happened on walks around my neighborhood.
“I could never make my house look like that.”
It’s happened in coffee shops, restaurants, and even church services.
“I could never dress like that.”
It’s happened on Substack.
“I could never write like that.”
I know this happens to all of us. So what do we do with this feeling?
I’ve learned that, surprisingly, jealousy is something we must listen to. In it lies a hint on how we might want to cultivate our own lives. An incredibly productive feeling, if we don’t stuff it inside.
(More on this found in Chapter 7 of The Artist’s Way)
I’ve been writing these monthly guides with accessible exercises to help us find daily delight even amid the normal human hardships we all experience.
Because practicing liking your own life is a way to stay afloat in the face of real emotions and difficulties: heartbreak, death, fear, disappointment, and insecurities of many denominations.
You can read past monthly guides here:
Until heaven, we live inside this both/and — joy alongside grief, loss alongside love. There is no such thing as “one day.” As long as we are on earth, the day to like is today.
Read on for a few ways to like your life. This month, we’re talking about jealousy.
A Few Ways to Help You Like Your Life When You’re Feeling Jealous of Others 🐛
Listen to it and let it point you somewhere
I used to feel a lot of shame when I felt these pings of envy. Like…ugh...get this under control, girl. But I’ve learned to understand these jealous feelings as signals to slow down and listen to.
“Jealousy is a map” — Julia Cameron. When you feel it, instead of stuffing it or spiraling in it, get curious: what does this tell me I want?
The girl in the Pilates class isn't the problem — she's a mirror. She showed me something I care about. I want to be fit and strong!!! When I say this out loud, I immediately feel freer. If she can do it, I can likely do it too.
Name the want underneath the ache. You will move from onlooker to collaborator the moment you treat jealousy as information rather than an indictment.
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