See Me Trying
On practicing creative compassion
On a walk this week, I started thinking about my 7th-grade self. I would lie in bed at night, bubbling with anger. The cool girls at school called people “try-hards,” and I was trying to piece together why it wasn’t cool to care. I was born caring. I like to try. So this became one of my fears.
I remember asking my mom why I didn’t have any t-shirts in my closet. I wore a uniform to school, but during gym class, we were allowed to change our clothes. The girls always had t-shirts collected from various events, sports, or from their siblings. I was always packed with some workout outfit that did not exude the same casual coolness. I would lust after these unmarked, random, likely hand-me-down tees. “We don’t do t-shirts,” my mom would say. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I saw her in one.
Throughout school, I worked to hide my efforts. This resulted in a numbed and confused creative spirit.
As I walked my typical route the other morning, it dawned on me: I see people trying on the internet, at dinner parties, and in workout classes. When getting dressed, planning for the future, or packing lunch, every cool girl I know is making an effort. Things are different now. I am trying. So is everyone else.
I have noticed that every time I attempt to put myself out there, this familiar 7th-grade pain resurfaces. What if they see me trying?
This is how I answer: trying does not necessarily mean getting it right. Only through repeated attempts over time does something likely go right due to the volume and number of tries. In the early efforts, everything feels very shaky, vulnerable, and new. That is because it is. If you don’t let yourself try, you can never create. All good things come on the other side of effort.
I shared this poem about a year ago, and the sentiment still rings true. To be seen is to be free. Allowing yourself to try and keep trying is creative compassion in action.
If you are trying, I see you!
You are so cool.
C
1 // Using this on summer skin. I love it. Glowy!!
2 // I’ve recently picked up a chia seed pudding habit. Recipe here. SO easy, so filled with good stuff for you.
3 // The shop is on sale! Sending encouraging packages your way is making my heart burst!
$20 summer raffia hat. Love this little J.Crew bag — comes in many colors and is on sale! These Tory Burch sandals are also on sale. I have them in gold and wear them so often. They are comfortable and chic. These are my favorite bowls ever. I’m imagining this green Longchamp (on sale) with a cute scarf and bag charms. All links here!
Yes!! I just recorded and rerecorded a rambling Instagram story this week that I was having the worst time spitting out what I was trying to say. The message ultimately came down to this: I’m trying. I feel you!
This is so timely! This week I was thinking about how weird and wrong it is for me to watch other people try something and then think “I could do that”, or worse, “I could do that better”, only to not have the courage to try my ideas or be frustrated because I definitely do not get it right the first time. Trying is so cool! Thank you for the reminder.